When Forgotten
by Glyphron
Summary: An unfortunate twist of fate leaves Hawke to start over her life. A clean slate isn't all it's made out to be. She may even be a completely different person now, unrecognizable to the people who knew her. But old ghosts of the past haunt her shadow, awaiting the right moment to reclaim her.


(Prompt ~ Someone gets amnesia. Xeress Allora Hawke, Fenris, Varric Tetheras, Anders, Bodhan, Sandal, Merril, Aveline, Isabela, Sebastian, and Gamlen.)

It had merely vanished. Her whole world erased. Missing. Lost within the depths of her mind. A great void in place of memories. The blow dealt by one enemy had taken away her life but left the body and soul together. In tact. Fenris hadn't been there when she'd first woken, but he was here now.

He could not see any signs of damage done to her skull as he studied, waiting for her to wake again. Magic had mended the wound seamlessly. But its effects lingered still, echoing long after healing. Fenris could only pity her for her loss, capable of understanding better than anyone what it was like. He had suffered the same once, long ago.

Fenris sat in the only chair the Undercity clinic had to offer, carefully placed beside her cot. It had been meant for someone else's use, another man who would like more than anything to be where the elf was, monitoring her condition himself. Anders kept shooting glances their way as he tended to other patients, distracted by the possibility of her regaining awareness. Fenris tried hard to ignore the mage's vigilance and those brown eyes as they glared disapprovingly at his presence. It became increasingly difficult as Anders began making comments whenever he passed. Just when Fenris thought he might lose his temper with the 'abomination', she stirred and opened her eyes.

She looked to him with a blank expression as soon as the sleep clouding her vision cleared. Fenris had been prepared for this, he knew she could recall nothing. Her friends, her family, all were lost to darkness behind those sterling irises. He did not wait for the fear of being utterly lost to set in.

"Remain calm, everything will be fine." His tone was the softest it's ever been as he soothed her.

She sat up meekly, still not yet at full strength. Looking him over, studying him, she eventually turned her eyes to scan the clinic. When she had seen all she cared to take note of, her gaze came back to his. He watched as she pondered what she should do, her brow creased as she vexed. Without memories to tell her who to trust, she wasn't sure about confiding in this man before her. Yet, for the same reasons, she sought guidance, assurance that everything would turn out well. Left with no experiences to provide wisdom, she could only rely on her innate nature untempered, now, by life itself.

"What is this place? Where am I?" She was nervous, but keeping from panic.

"It is a poor excuse of a clinic." He muttered as he watched Anders make way towards them.

"The clinic," she repeated rubbing her temple, "That's what I was told last time. I... think..."

"Yes," Anders confirmed as he approached, "How are you feeling?"

She peered up at him, clearly unsure of how to answer. Fenris all but threatened him to leave her be.

"PERHAPS, you should give her a moment to get her bearings."

He glared back at Fenris, "PERHAPS, you should leave me to tend to my patient."

"Pardon me," she broke in, "But, who are you?"

Both turned their attention from the other to her. Anders gave a frown in disappointment, he had hoped she'd remember him from when she last woke at least. Her face reflected sadness in turn and Fenris gave his best not to scowl in frustration. Not of her inability, but of Anders making this harder for her. Unintentional or not.

"I am Anders. I was here when you woke before. Can you remember?"

Her eyes met the floor as she strained to recall, her expression becoming increasingly more troubled. Anders was pulled away to tend to another refugee, suddenly, as she thought. Fenris seized the opportunity to try and ease her mind of the stress the idiot mage had placed on it.

He set a hand lightly to her shoulder.

"Do not push yourself too hard. If you cannot recall then you cannot. You need not let it bother you."

"What if I never remember?"

He made certain their eyes met.

"Then you can relearn. You start over. But this is not the end."

"Do you have a name?" She smiled softly, sadly.

"My name is Fenris. You may or may not believe me, but... I am a close friend."

She glanced up at him, eyes nearly pleading for the answer to her next question.

"Do I... have a name?"

He gives her an encouraging smile.

"You're name is Hawke."

"Xeress Allora Hawke, to be exact." Anders added upon his return.

"Enchantment!" Sandal chimed.

"Yes, Sandal. That's exactly what you said upon us finding you," Varric turns back to Hawke, "He had somehow frozen an entire dark spawn horde solid. I'd never seen something so bizarre!"

"What happened to us next?" Xeress prompted eagerly.

"Well, we sent Sandal back to camp and then-"

"Excuse me Messere," Bodhan interrupted as he came through the library door, "But you have visitors."

"Who are they?" She beseeched him.

"Well, there is Anders. Here for his usual check up on your status. There is also Aveline and Sebastian. They visited a couple days ago if you can remember. And Merril, she's the one who brought you those lovely flowers."

"Is Fenris with them?"

Her voice was elated with hope, she was always more comfortable when he was present. Allora had come to rely upon him to get her through this. He always knew the best way to help her through each struggle as she tried to relearn her past history and move forward presently. He never pressured her to try and reflect back, never became flustered with her failures to understand, and always kept her progressing at an easy pace rather than overwhelm her with expectations. He gave her reasons to keep trying and not surrender and stagnate.

"I'm sorry Messere, he is not."

Xeress hid her disappointment as she gave a nod to Bodhan, signaling him to bring forth her added guests. Sandal and Varric stayed seated near the fireplace with her, awaiting their arrival. Bodhan made way to the doorway and he gestured for her friends to enter. The small envoy obliged with optimistic smiles and lively greetings.

"And how is our fair lady this afternoon?" Sebastian offered with enthusiasm.

"I am well," she gave a slight smile, "Varric was telling me about the Deep Roads."

"Oh! I remember when we went there. It was quite dark and scary... There were all sorts of foul things about. But we managed through it. It was quite hard to convince Fenris not to be so glum though..." Merril exclaimed.

"To be honest, I was worried you'd never make it back the whole endeavor. But, I knew better than to try and convince you to stay home." Aveline admitted.

"Tales of dank tunnels and darkspawn... I have enough of those to last me more than a lifetime," Anders gave a forced smile, "Now, if I may steal you away for just a few moments..."

With a sigh, Hawke rose from her place and followed him out of the library. The others watched them go with reluctance. Most of them felt Anders was pushing too hard for the possibility of her regaining memories. No matter what any of them said, he would not cease to strain her with impossible hopes. They awaited the outcome of this current attempt in silence, each displeased with his neglect towards consideration.

Seated delicately upon the chair at her writing desk, she put less effort than ever before into wracking her mind to find the answers to his repetitive assault of questions. When he has finished, unsatisfied still since she could not give response to a single one, he gave her the sad look he normally rests upon her form. It makes her feel as though she has failed him somehow. As always, he reaches out to place his hands on the crown of her head, stimulating her body with a healing spell. This part she did not mind so much as it felt pleasant to experience. The magic would relieve even the slightest aches and discomforts bred by simply living, leaving her utterly relaxed. Soothed to the core. But, as every time before, it did not mend her mind. There was no illumination to the darkness behind her eyes.

His hands fell slowly to his sides, and he appeared haggard, hope waning but still there. Sorrow evident on her face, he hastily abandoned it yet again. Turning, he left, he did not bother to rejoin the others. He had failed her once more, caused her more sadness just like he'd done every day since her incident. And so he took his misery and departed from her estate to return back to his hiding place, the clinic. Xeress remained sitting where he left her for some time before she gathered the courage to return to her present company.

Insecure since the loss of her identity, his reaction ended up affecting her like a deep cut. As much as she tried not to, she continued to feel it was her fault. She did not understand these feelings, or what it was that upset Anders so much. That did not matter, it couldn't help to ease the hurt. For either of them.

Gauging her mood, Varric tried hard to dazzle her with the continuation of his tale about their journey through the Deep Roads. Aveline had need to return to her duties as guard Captain, but, assured Allora she would check in again soon. Sebastian and Merril, meanwhile, took place next to the fire to indulge in its recounting. It did help to remove the sting of previous events, and she found herself feeling grateful to have such charming support.

But, as each of them offered farewell and made way towards home that evening, the depression returned. Fenris always told her she may never remember, but, she had the option to relearn and therefore everything would be fine. Yet, it was beginning to seem as though some would be eternally devastated if her missing recollections never reappeared. She did not want that, no one would.

Absorbed in her worries, Hawke was none the wiser of Isabela sneaking up behind.

"If you frown any deeper, you'll get wrinkles." She teased, chuckling at the start her friend gives.

Xeress turned to her, arms crossed, "Must you do that?"

"Maybe. So, why the dreadful expression anyway?"

Everything in Allora's demeanor droops.

"It's... Anders..."

Isabela rolls her eyes, "He really needs a new hobby."

"I can't seem to keep from disappointing him."

Her concerns continue to eat at her.

"It's his own bloody fault. He won't give his expectations a rest. He just needs to relax, let things go." Isabela grins, "So do you."

"I am trying."

The rivain pirate opens her arms in a bold gesture, smirking.

"Well, lucky for you I'm here. Come on!"

Grabbing Hawke's arm, Isabela drags her to the door. She won't take no for an answer.

"Where are you taking me?" Xeress questions nervously.

"You need a drink, and I need a drinking companion."

Both women broke into giggles once again, too much whisky in their viens. The simplest of jokes easily caused fits of laughter. Under Isabela's influence, Hawke had eventually surrendered to suggestion. Isabela felt Allora could use a break from caution. The woman Isabela had known was noble with excellent self discipline. Although she missed that version of Xeress, she found she did not mind the altered reflection Hawke had become.

The man at Allora's side rested an arm around her, and subtle realization rose to the surface. She couldn't seem to recall his name. In fact, she couldn't quite remember why she was here or what had been happening this entire time. Somehow, she wasn't sure that she cared. But, some part of her deep down did, and gave her a sense of wrong. As though this behavior was not of her. Xeress became uncertain and shrugged his embrace from her shoulders.

Isabela was none to happy herself. As much as she wanted Hawke to let go and be irresponsible for just one night, she had no intention of allowing anything to happen that her comrade might regret. These men who'd joined them for some banter were becoming blatant with their other desires. Although some of them were a touch charming, this endeavor wasn't meant to end the way she'd normally prefer. This was a favor between just the two of them, not an invitation for others.

Catching the man's eyes on hers as he tried to make complaint, Isabela gave him warning.

"I'm sorry, but my friend here isn't interested."

"Oh come now. I don't mean her no harm," he countered, wrapping his arms around her, "I won't hurt her."

Another man next to Isabela traced the rogue's curve with his fingertip.

"You can even be there to make sure of it."

Isabela gave them a stern glare, "No."

"You want it, admit it whore."

The second man groped the pirate carelessly, Allora watching all the while. Something began to stir beneath her skin, slithering through her blood and leaving it burning. An urge, strange but familiar. She shoved the man pressing against her, surprising him with her strength. He was knocked clean off the bench. She then stood, her intent clear.

"Leave us be." Hawke demanded, voice cold and firm as ice riddled steel.

A former warrior with a widely known reputation as the Champion, the insistent men knew better than to meet her challenge. Despite her drunkeness, the alcohol seemed to have no effect on her rigid balance and solid decisiveness. They walked away without another word.

"You know, I had the situation handled." Isabela told her as Xeress sat back down, feeling sick.

"I don't know what came over me." She groaned.

Fenris listened closely as Hawke confessed to the peculiar things that had been happening to her as of late. The outburst at The Hanged Man, impulses to get involved in things, strange dreams with many pairs of eyes and familiar voices some unrecognizable, habits that have developed seemingly out of nowhere. Hawke couldn't understand what was happening, she hoped he could make sense of it all. She dared not confide this in Anders, unsure of how he would react.

"Easy Hawke," Fenris told her as she paced in agitation, "It sounds to me that you've been recalling hints of your past. Old tendencies in particular."

Some of her claims were familiar to him. The dreams of eyes and voices, impulses, urges, behaviors he seemed to have once been committed to. Ghosts of a departed life that have haunted him since an evening, come and gone. He takes a moment to relive the night that sparked his own shards of memory. Something Fenris did more often than he would ever admit. An endeavor of which, despite its outcome, he held dear. He was unsure whether he was glad she could not remember him walking away, or sad that she was incapable of reliving those tender moments shared with him like he could.

As he thought on this, he unwittingly fiddled with the scarf tied about his wrist. Xeress took notice, stilling her from pacing, and Fenris debated whether he should tell her what had transpired. It would come up in Varric's stories eventually. He had to wonder what things would be like between them then. He did not get long to think on it before the dwarf himself came barging into the room.

"Hawke, we have trouble." Varric warned breathlessly.

"You're certain there is no other way?" Fenris questioned.

"They will only talk to Hawke. If she does not meet their demands, I shudder to think what could happen to Gamlen." Varric insisted.

"Let's hope this can be resolved peacefully." Xeress put forth more hope than she felt.

"If it is even possible." Fenris replied, marching ahead of her.

They were nearing her Uncle's home now. It was unlikely this would not escalate into a fight. A situation Allora was not yet ready to handle like she used to. It was up to him and Varric to ensure both her safety and Gamlen's if things were to go wrong. Fenris entered first as a precation, Varric and Xeress following close behind.

Gamlen was there in the main room, on his knees cowering before circling thugs and their spectating leader. He was trembling in fear, but looked unharmed otherwise.

"Finally she arrives," the man in charge announces, "Your niece, come to save you. If she even can by this point."

He mocks their efforts with crude hospitality.

"Come! Sit. Make yourselves comfortable."

Neither Varric or Fenris will allow her to step forward past them as she gives response.

"You demanded I come, and I have. What is this about?"

The thug chief just grins and turns to glance over the room.

"Strange that the Champion of Kirkwall comes to the rescue with no armor and no weapon, don't you think... And why is that? Are you so confident in your abilities that you think you would not need them if you cannot appease us?"

Hawke does not answer.

"How arrogant of you."

"Get to the point. What is it you want?" Fenris demanded, quickly losing his patience.

"Do you know just how much of a debt this man had incurred? More than your Champion can pay no doubt. We want our kindness repaid, in full. It's only fair, don't you think?"

He turns back to them, his eyes locking onto Xeress.

"I've heard it took a lot of coin to bribe your way into the city when you first arrived. That you were willing to remedy that price with labor as an endentured servant. Perhaps you'd be willing to offer your services once more to equal the debt, just as before. Of course, it will take more than a year to pay off what this oaf owes us. But you're a capable woman, or so I'm told. And, of course, you'd have to do everything you're told."

Neither of her companions could tolerate the way he made his offer riddled with all manner of added implications. Hawke was no thug, and she was not a toy to do with as they please. And neither would ever allow her to agree to this.

"You're a fool to think that could happen." Varric stated as he boasted Bianca in his hands.

"Agreed." Fenris reached for his sword.

"I wasn't making the offer to you. Either of you. And I would ease up on your threats if I were you. You wouldn't want this poor man hurt, or would you?" The bastard sneered in reply.

At his word, some of his men closed in on Gamlen, pressing him into the floor with their feet and raising up their weapons in preparation.

"No! Wait!" Allora cried, nearly charging past both companions in spite of their attempts to keep her back.

"What will it be Champion? Think carefully."

Without memories, Xeress does not feel an overwhelming attachment to Gamlen, he is now a stranger like all others. But, she believes what she was told, that they are family. This breeds a concept of loyalty within her. And she feels a strong sense of right and wrong, a desire to defend and protect him. Regardless of connections.

"I..." she looks to the floorboards in defeat, "I suppose I have no choice. I accept."

"Hawke!" Varric protested.

"You cannot do this!" Fenris growled.

"I'm not going to sacrifice my Uncle. If this is the only way it can be resolved, I have to take it."

She will not be swayed from her sense of need. Varric and Fenris bit their tongues, biding their time. They could not let this become her fate, especially not when she was incapable of properly defending herself. Lost with her memory were all the years of training she had undertaken, her knowledge of swordcraft. She was stripped of her combat prowess. Even if she managed to keep these pigs off her, they would quickly discover her to be a useless member of their ranks. It was unknown what would become of her then. But, neither could simply throw themselves into combat and put a stop to the agreement. Gamlen would not last mere seconds. They needed to wait until he was no longer leverage to force the deal.

They exchanged glances, ensuring the other was thinking the same. Then they parted to let her through, and Xeress stepped forward to claim her end of the bargain. The safety of her Uncle.

"I have agreed to your terms. Let him go."

Their lead makes a short gesture, and thugs surround her, grabbing her by the arms.

"You heard the woman, she's agreed. Leave him mostly in tact, and make sure you do not kill him."

"That wasn't what was agreed upon!" She struggled.

Varric was already pressing his finger to Bianca's trigger, Fenris withdrawing his sword.

"Dispose of those two!" He ordered, ignoring Allora completely.

Chaos ensued, arrows streaking the air, Fenris blocking foes as they rushed the pair.

Just past the men who pinned her, Hawke caught a glimpse of Gamlen as he recieved his first taste of punishment. A mace to his shoulder, breaking bones, and he screamed. A call that awoke the violent vibe as before in the tavern, provoked it. Her sight narrowed, red gleaming at its edges. It set it's absolute focus on her Uncle's abusers and her body kicked years of refined practice into the mind. Xeress barged through her captors, dragging those who managed to remain latched to her behind as she charged. Try as they might, they could not suppress her to a halt.

She crashed into the center of the fray, giving Gamlen opportunity to escape. He managed to pull himself up and stumble into the next room, locking himself inside. It was now her who faced his persecution. Without armor, or any sort of weapon to match her armed opponents with, she received a brutal beating. In spite of her efforts to muscle through, the powerful rage was waning, the force that fuels it still missing. Hawke's fortune was a sinking ship and she was utterly pulled under. And while drowning, she caught sight of glimmering treasure and surrendered to the tide.

A swing to her leg which brought her to her kness. In the distance, the sounds of her allies struggling to fend off their enemies and calling for her faded off. Her vision was altered to scenes of Loathering burning, darkspawn overrunning the streets as villagers fled. A rough kick to her gut that makes her cringe into a ball. Carver is battered and tossed aside by an ogre, dead before he even meets the ground for a final time. An elbow to the spine and she jerks back with a cry of pain. Bartrand locks them within the thieg, deaf to their pleas as he leaves them to die. Varric loses it, crushed by his brother's betrayal. A fist across the face, silencing her in mid cry. Bethany is taken away by Cullen to the Circle, leaving her and Mother behind. Someone strangles her, choking away her sharp awareness, stealing her breath from her lungs. She cradles Mother, swearing she'll take the pain away, make it better. But, Mother slips away, unable to be saved. She's released and knocked to the floor, consciousness dimming away. She slays the Arishok, balking at his vow the Qunari will someday return. For a moment, everything fades to black. Bandits surround her, she takes the club's blow to the back of her skull, everything is lost.

"Hawke..." Fenris's voice echoes through the black, "Can you hear me?"

Her eyes open, her irises tracking his voice to its source. He crouched beside her, hand out and resting firmly upon her shoulder. His eyes reflect concern, and she heaves herself up into a sitting position, wincing as the pain sets in again.

"Just take it easy, Hawke." Varric tells her.

"I'm alright..." Allora consoles him, wiping away the blood from her jaw.

She pulls herself to her feet, her leg bearing the greatest pain from where the mace caught it. But, she steels herself, forcing her body to stay steady.

"Where is Gamlen?"

"Still locked away in the next room. No doubt he's in a lot of pain, but, he will survive. Thanks to you." The dwarf told her.

She groans as she limps to the door her Uncle hides behind.

"Gamlen?" Xeress knocks at the rough wood.

He slowly opens it, weeping from the agony of his fractured bones. At her behest, Varric guides Gamlen to the front door. Fenris, meanwhile, comes to brace her up, taking the weight from her injured leg. And the wayward group makes way for the Lit Lantern, to Anders for healing. As they walked, Hawke inquires something of them.

"Does anyone know where my sword got off to? May armor too, I'd very much like to have those back."

"Probably in their usual place at your estate." Varric replies.

"Glad to hear it. A warrior isn't much without those, so I've found out recently." She frowns with displeasure.

"A sword will do you little good if you don't know how to weild one." Fenris warns.

"I know how to handle a blade. We fight side by side often. You've seen my skills."

"Yes, but that was during a time when you were aware of your training. Things are different now."

"Broody has a point, Hawke. Since your memories are lost, you won't have the same ability you had before. You'll need to train again." Varric stated as they neared the clinic.

"But, they're not lost..." her voice trails off.

They were all present within her mind. Every day that had come and gone in her life, accounted for. Shining through the shadows that had previously gathered inside her skull. Not just all of the losses in her years, but all the things she'd gained. Discoveries, places, people, even feelings. She was whole again, and yet still broken from years of hardship. At least, with their return, she could once again take up arms to try and defend what was left of her family. Not just watch helpless, missing the powerful drive that love creates. Because she now knows again why she so loves each one.

"You mean you can remember?" Anders asks bewildered and standing in the doorway.

"Yes. I can recall."

He takes hold of Gamlen's other arm and leads the man to a cot, prompting him to sit. The others follow close behind, and silence holds as the mage examines the damage. He tends to it, mending bone with magic which soothes Gamlen's hurt. When Anders is confident his patient is restored to good health, he moves to Allora, leaving her Uncle to rest.

"What can you recall?" He proceeds to question, as he motions for Fenris to move away.

The elf reluctantly relinquishes his place at her side to Anders who seats her in the single chair. He starts with her battered face, and continues over the rest of her body with his spell, lingering at her injured leg for some time. She watches this take place before finally replying to the inquirie, her friends waiting anxiously for it. Their hopes are high.

"Everything..." Xeress smiles softly.


End file.
